2013 | My Journey with CFS

Hi everyone :)

This is the most positive of blog posts!

I am so happy to tell everyone I have finally got my first job.

Since I was 18 & suffered my most severe relapse I have never been well enough to work, not even part-time. In the spring of this year I decided I was ready to start applying for part-time positions. I have applied to alot of places with no luck, probably due to the fact I am 23 with zero experience apart from volunteer work here and there. It was very disheartening to keep getting rejections.

I kept praying that someone would see potential & just give me a chance. I will prove myself.

Luckily, I had an interview at Waitrose earlier in the year but there was nothing suitable at the time. (I still wanted to be mindful to not have a job which would exert too much energy). Anyway, they kept me in mind & have now offered me a position one day a week.

All my friends & family know Waitrose is where I have wanted to work for a long time, I feel so thankful & lucky to have a job there.

I think one of the things I have missed & craved most about 'normal life' is being independent & having a job. I have watched all my friends graduate from University & go out into the world & find jobs & stand on their own two feet.

This is such a huge deal for me, I am so excited for this next chapter of my recovery & my life! When I get that Waitrose uniform on, I will 100% cry. It's been a tough road & I have fought it & to have my first day will be very emotional. Onwards & upwards little fighters. WOOHOOO

I am in training today & tomorrow & I officially have my first day on Thursday :)

A huge thank you to all my friends & family who have helped me to get to this point. I am incredibly blessed to have amazing people in my life who support & help me with everything.

Without them I wouldn't be at this point, in good enough health, to open the next chapter.

On a completely separate note. I love my sister.

Becks

xoxo

Tweet me: bekz24

Instagram :bekz24

I'm pretty excited about this blog post to be honest.

I am on The Cowden Support programme from NutraMedix so whenever I have a problem I will email their Ireland office and if I need to I can call their main office in America and speak with the main guy there. I called him this week and we had another great chat about so many different things. We talked about new research all over the world and so many different things I can be working on...

Geopathic & Electromagnetic Stress

I have known about Geopathic and Electromagnetic Stress for about two years now but I was always quite sceptical about it.

Geopathic Stress (GS) comes from any phone masts, underwater pipes, train lines and many other things (read more here - Geopathic Stress).

Electromagnetic Stress is common for all of us because it comes from wifi, mobile phones, microwaves, TV, laptop, computer - you get the picture. Wifi is the big one and so we were advised to turn it off at night (something I strongly suggest).

Both of these can drastically effect our health and can even contribute to a whole host of illnesses, M.E, cancer, asthma, depression, stress, allergies, so many different things. If you sleep, work or spend alot of time in a place which is under GS then obviously you are at greatest risk.

Here's my story - We have lived in our house for 10 years, it was a brand new built estate of 40 houses. I am in no doubt (and have said it for years) it is no coincidence I have been ill for... 10 years. Since living here we have all had our periods of illness, alot of our neighbours have also suffered these past 10 years. Friends have commented to me they always feel tired in this house. I have never felt well living here, I always feel better away from this house. So when I found this explanation it was an hallelujah moment! I knew I was right. We have an intercity train line at the bottom of our garden. Say no more.

Solution? We can't wrap ourselves in cotton wool. I would love to but I can't just up and move house. My family are also not overly excited about the idea of getting rid of the wifi.

In order to help our bodies with these problems we need to 'ground ourselves' and protect our bodies. I have looked at grounding sheets, you put it on your bed so that while you sleep you are protected from Geopathic Stress. However, they are very expensive and I couldn't justify it. I thought is it really going to make a difference?

Anyway, speaking to NutraMedix the guy brought it up and asked me if I have looked into it. He strongly suggested I had second thoughts and purchased a grounding sheet. He claimed that for every minute you are 'grounding' whilst you are asleep is the equivalent to taking a handful of antioxidants.

I have also read that we will never be fully healed until we address this issue. So I thought why not, I felt it was the right thing to do. I ordered a grounding sheet (it's my early christmas presents from my parents) - health comes first. www.groundology.co.uk/products

I also got a G-Oyster, a small disc shaped device that again, shields you from these stresses. You carry it all day in your pocket or your bag, keep it next to your bed or next to your laptop while you work. It is rapidly becoming my new best friend. I will let you all know how I get on.

Amantilla

He also suggested another product to add to my protocol, another herbal addition to help with stress called Amantilla. I have alot of emotional stress in my life at the moment which can deeply impact our immune systems and all our body. So any extra help I am grateful for.

I had a lecture at the weekend all about herbs and the powerful healing properties they hold it is so fascinating! I hope to get some books and do some further research on herbs. They have definitely changed my life anyway.

My personal view is recovery is like a sieve, for most people it won't be one single thing to heal us, it will be a mixture of all different things. It's also individual for every single person, you will never meet another person who is recovered by the exact same things you did. But if protecting ourselves from GS plugs one of the sieve holes we are abit closer to healing.

I am hoping these small changes will show big differences in my recovery. Fingers crossed.

Don't take my word for it, have a browse on the internet and see what you find. There are some amazing books out there on this subject. I hope you all find it as interesting as I do.

Becks xoxo

My Personal Journey

I used to be very embarrassed and didn't tell anyone I went to see a psychologist. In total I had sessions with her on and off for about 3 years and this is my story about battling depression...

I was in the depth of my depression when I was about 19, a year into another serious relapse, all my friends were enjoying uni, I wasn't getting any better and I had given up I guess. As an idea I was dead against it, I didn't want to talk to some random person about the anger, upset, hurt, frustrations I felt. They probably wouldn't have CFS so how would they understand or help me in anyway!
My parents did some research and found a recommended psychologist in Manchester city centre, she worked with people with chronic illnesses. One night I remember my thoughts had become so dark there was only one way I was going, so I decided to tell my mum to book an appointment. I was far from happy about it but I guess it was worth a shot to meet with her.

The first session I clicked with her instantly, everything I felt inside I poured out to her and I knew it was all in confidence, she by law is not allowed to mention anything I say to her outside of that room. It was very comfortable and I cried (alot) but I felt better somehow after the hour was done. I then went back the week after, and continued to go weekly for a few months until it got to every other week. She used 'Cognitive Behavioural Therapy' which is what most psychologists will use to change our unhelpful thinking.

We put together a plan, at the time I wouldn't leave the house due to severe depression and anxiety, my mum once took me to Tesco in the car, we both knew I wouldn't go in but I went for the ride and to get out the house. I sat in the car and cried because I was so scared for people to see me looking so poorly. My aim with my psychologist was to walk into Tesco and buy a loaf of bread - I laughed at her, that's never going to happen. She set me homework each week and sure enough I went into Tesco and bought that loaf of bread eventually. I continued to have sessions with her but they slowly grew further and further apart.

Right now I haven't seen her in over 12 months because she has taught me the tools to use everyday to cope with this illness when it's so easy to think negatively! Whatever issue pops up I can use what she taught me on a very practical level. Some simple techniques.
Without that help I wouldn't be as well as i am now and have the complete determination to beat this illness for good. I have the knowledge and confidence to move forward each day.

We may never be 'cured' from this illness, so my view is we need to change how we view ourselves with this label. That's exactly what CBT does, it works to change our ideas and perspectives on the illness and struggles we cannot change.

Depression

Depression has such a big stigma attached to it, but its near impossible to have a chronic illness and not suffer with some type of depression, whether it's for a few weeks or a few years. It's a natural response to how we feel stuck in a body which at times is a horrible place to be. Alot of people have a hard time understanding depression, anxiety and low mood, they say "Snap out of it" or "Pull yourself together" they may not realise it is the hormones within our brains not working properly. If it was so simple why would we not 'Snap out of it'. To admit there is a problem and to seek help is a very brave thing to do and sometimes it's the only way to move forwards with negative thinking patterns.

I could be slightly controversial here, however, I was already on anti-depressants when I sought help but my personal opinion now is anti-depressants can help you deal with the depression/low mood but also they can mask the rooted reason, until the issues are dealt I knew I would always struggle.

To this day I would say I was a positive person, I aim to see the good in everyone and any situation. If I have a bad day instead of "Oh I will never get better, another bad day of feeling so fatigued. This illness stops me from doing everything, it ruins my life and people will be annoyed I couldn't make it in today". Instead its much more helpful and kind to just think "Yes OK a bad day, but the good days far outweighs the bad days. Perhaps it's an opportunity to allow my body to get some good rest, stock up on nutrients and relax, feeling much better for the coming days. People will understand and if not it's a great opportunity to educate them." I try not to beat myself up too much, of course sometimes I do because I'm that type of personality but we need to be loving to our bodies.

The power of positive thinking is amazing, it can bring great reward.

I set you one challenge, (this helped me enormously).
Write down or just think of 3 positive things a day, everyday. They don't have to be massive or anything special, it could be "I had a great chat with a friend" or "The sun came out" or "My favourite song came on the radio". Slowly over time I noticed there actually is good things all around us even when we don't notice.

Two very important points to mention-

If you do think you are depressed then do visit your local GP or tell someone.
Also, I feel it is very important to find a good psychologist. Someone you gel with and someone you feel comfortable with, this may take time but persevere.

Sorry it wasn't a very cheery post but I have said before this is a very honest blog.

It is the honest truth behind living with a chronic illness. These issues need to be highlighted and spoken about.

Hope this finds you on a good day

Lots of love Becks xoxo

Tweet me: bekz24

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The second part to the CFS triangle is the mind. In other words, how do we think about our illness and our attitudes towards it, or life in general. This topic is far too vast for me to cover so I will highlight a few key things I personally struggle with and you may all agree.

I have put it into sections, this first one will focus on stress.

Then to follow I have written a post on depression and my personal journey, then a final post on happiness and goals.

Stress

Some of the top Chronic Fatigue specialists would argue stress is the first most important thing which stops the body from healing, therefore it is the first thing we need to be aware of and work on.

"There is an innate connection between mind and the body. Whatever you hold in your mind will be produced in the physical body. Any ill feeling or bitterness towards another person, intense passion, long-standing envy or corroding anxiety, fits of hot temper, all actually destroy the cells of the body and induce disease of the heart, liver, kidneys, spleen, stomach etc. Worry and stress have caused nervous breakdowns and cancer." - Healing Mind. Healing Body - Debbie Shapiro

Our bodies living with a chronic illness are in a constant state of hyper alert. From the trauma and anxiety this illness brings to our bodies the nervous system can go into a state of hyper alert.

There is something called the fight/flight mode whereby if we were confronted by a lion our body would go into survival mode and our digestion, kidneys, immune system, memory all shut down so we can have all the energy available to fight off this lion and run away from it. This is a short period of acute intense stress but then your body would go back to normal.

Patients with CFS are in this state of chronic stress constantly as apposed to a healing state. We need our immune system to fight against infections, we need our digestive system to be working optimally to digest and absorb all the nutrients we feed ourselves in order to get energy to the cells. We want our memory to be working properly so we don't have brain fog all the time!!

An easy brief way to test if we are 'stressed' is if we are in room temperature and we put our hands next to our face they should be the same temperature. I suffer with really cold hands and feet, a classic sign my blood supply is compromised.

We are in a vicious circle, we became stressed in the first place because we were ill and now we can't get better because we are in a permanent state of stress!

I'm do worry and I'm very mindful about pushing my body too much, "If I go out tonight I will be ill tomorrow" or "Exam time will make me ill because it's so stressful and the stress will make me ill".

In those situations it's again about being kind to our bodies, yes go out tonight if you feel up to it, if you begin to feel unwell go home and whatever happens tomorrow we'll deal with it when it comes. There is nothing to be gained from trying to predict the future and worrying about it.

Relaxation/Meditation/Guided Visualisation

To try to release yourself from this state, I found relaxation or meditation really helpful. Your probably thinking "All I do all day is relax I have CFS" I don't mean relax and watch a DVD or read a book, I mean relax in a silent room, lying on the bed or the sofa with no stimulations.

To begin, close your eyes and become very aware of your breathing and your body, how it feels. Try to relax into the bed or sofa. Try to not let your mind wander, if it does bring it back to thinking about your body and your breathing. Don't try to control your breath in any way, let it be very natural. As you lay there you will notice your breath will naturally slow down and there can even be a pause between the in and out breath.

If you manage this for 30 minutes a day that is absolutely ideal because for those 30 minutes as your body is in a totally relaxed state and not focused on anything else, it has 30 minutes to heal. It has 30 minutes to catch up on working overtime. It is such a kind thing to do for your body.

I will admit i don't manage this everyday, I live in a busy, noisy house and it's not always possible. Don't be harsh with yourself, perhaps 10 minutes is all you can manage it is better than nothing.

I have a few relaxation CDs which I will sometimes put on and I can now become so relaxed, i will naturally fall asleep. It;s well worth buying one, wether it's guided visualisations or just soothing sounds of rain or waterfalls.

I hope this is of some help. Living in such a fast paced world I think we are slow to realise how destructive stress can be.

Let me know how you get on

Lots of love Becks xoxo

Tweet me: bekz24

Instagram: bekz24

I've called a 'time-out' for a little while.

So it's now Thursday and on Saturday night my body hit a wall (not literally). I had been out for the evening and for the first time in months I collapsed in bed, I was aching all over and so exhausted. But not 'normal person' exhausted, CFS exhausted. I have been in bed since Sunday, I pushed myself to go to church which was abit stupid but I was trying to fight it.

Not very sensible.

It's quite weird being back in bed, I'm too fatigued to leave the house, this was my life for so long but I had put that behind me.

I am hoping I will be back to my 'normal' self soon, but I think it has been a warning, I have been very busy and stressed lately, it's God way of giving me a gentle reminder to listen to my body before I completely end up back at stage one.

I just feel so lucky that I don't feel completely helpless, I know there are things I can be doing to actively speed up this process of getting back to normal.

I am constantly learning new angles on recovery and yes this isn't the best feeling but it's just a small bump in the road and I know exactly what I have to do to get back on track as quickly as possible. I think the key is not to dwell on it and beat myself up "Shouldn't of gone there, shouldn't of done that etc." We could do that all day but it won't help me move forward.

However, I can look back over the last month and feel abit stupid, I should of seen this coming. I had tonsillitis (warning no.1 to calm down). I then had to skip a seminar because of fatigue 2 weeks ago (warning no.2) and this time I think I ran out of warnings.

My punishment - a reminder of my old life and being forced to review my energy levels.

I feel really bad having to let people down, cancelling plans with friends and not being able to go to things but I have to put myself first right now. I did have such a fun weekend planned, I was going to London for a long weekend to visit friends, get all dressed up with the girls and go to the races. On Monday I had a conference (which I was weirdly way too excited for - it was a full day with Dr Myhill, the CFS specialist talking about recovery & detoxing. I'm just abit of a geek).

Theres always time for all that.

I will hold my hands up and admit this probably was my fault but I have learnt from it:

At times like this you really realise you have pretty amazing friends and family. They are all so understanding, loving & supportive. It was my best friends birthday yesterday and we had plans for a lovely lunch & spa day, which obviously had to be cancelled, she just came over and spend the day with me watching DVDs - thats a pretty special friend. A simple text to see how I am makes me smile and remind me people care.
I have been reminded not to let stress and situations get to me. I am the biggest stress head when something is worrying or bugging me, that needs to stop.
Rethink and remember my priorities - it has to be my health, if I loose that everything else crumbles.
I can't take my new found health for granted, I hate when I do that! I am incredibly lucky and blessed to be in a state of recovery and I've worked hard to build a life outside of this illness but I need to remember where I have come from.
Don't be too hard on myself. I always push myself and beat myself up when I can't do something.
I know God is giving me a warning before I burn out and I don't know where I would be without my faith and the people God has brought into my life.

For now, I need to rest, load up on nutrients & all the good stuff, watch too many films, read too many books & cuddle my Cockapoos. Currently just trying to ignore the exam I have in 9 days.

I have these two babes to look after me. It was Poppy's 4th birthday this month. She doesn't look too happy about it.

I watch too many chick flicks

Movie day in bed with my PJs, doggies & teddies

It's like anyone who works hard and has determination to reach their goals, we all hit obstacles and have to take detours. I will reach those goals soon. It just may take a little longer.

Hope you are all as well as possible and enjoying the sun :)

Bekz xoxo

Instagram & tweet me: bekz24

My Journey with CFS

Hi friends

It's been such a long time since I last did a blog post, because I am pleased to say I've been busy!

My sister & I ready for the works Christmas party

In between working I still am going to lectures, I had a big assignment due in December so its been a busy time.

Christmas was pretty chilled this year, I decided not to stress myself out with buying gifts for people, I donated money to charity instead.

I go to bed every night & thank God for my health. I began the Cowden Protocol 18 months ago and it has literally transformed my life. I havn't been this well in over 10 years. I have a long way to go still, I have plans for 2014 but for now I am more than content.

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My Journey with CFS

Hi friends It's been such a long time since I last did a blog post, because I am pleased to say I've been busy!

My sister & I ready for the works Christmas party In between working I still am going to lectures, I had a big assignment due in December so its been a busy time.

Christmas was pretty chilled this year, I decided not to stress myself out with buying gifts for people, I donated money to charity instead.

I go to bed every night & thank God for my health. I began the Cowden Protocol 18 months ago and it has literally transformed my life. I havn't been this well in over 10 years. I have a long way to go still, I have plans for 2014 but for now I am more than content.

About Me

About Me

Instagram

Twitter

Popular Posts

Labels

Blog Archive

Hi friends

It's been such a long time since I last did a blog post, because I am pleased to say I've been busy!

My sister & I ready for the works Christmas party

In between working I still am going to lectures, I had a big assignment due in December so its been a busy time.