Lets play a game...
Ever had really really bad flu when your confined to bed? Remember and imagine that... Maybe then add on a huge hangover... OK now run 5 miles... You probably are not feeling ideal.
But it's OK you will be fine in a week and back to normal.
But it's OK you will be fine in a week and back to normal.
But let's pretend you don't have flu... You have severe chronic fatigue. Every fibre of your being aches and hurts whilst you can only lie in bed.
The tiniest bit of light which comes through your blackout curtains hurts your eyes and brain, everyone who comes into the room has to whisper because the noise is too much. You don't have the strength to lift a glass, so a straw has to do.
You rely on other people to bring you water and any food you can cope with, maybe only soup in small portions.
You switch the TV on to stop the thoughts in your mind but it's too bright and too much to handle so you can only cope with Peppa Pig, basically on mute. The furthest you can manage to walk is to the toilet and back. What's the point? Why are you even here?
You hear everyone downstairs talking about their day and having tea together, there is noway you can make it down the stairs. Life is still happening around you, even downstairs in your home you are just not in it, real life. You live in a bubble of sickness. Your body is giving up. You know it is real but you pray it is a horrible nightmare. You pray tomorrow will be a better day.
At this point, why do you continue to fight? What's the point in the numerous private functional tests? Are you really even doing it for you anymore? No. You don't care anymore. You don't want to even exist anymore. It's a battle just to live every single day. Now the only reason you continue to fight is for the other people. The people who feed you, the people who bath you, the people who cuddle you and cry with you and pray for your recovery.
I still have people asking me "Are you just abit tired?" - This isn't a case of tired. This is a case of having your life ripped apart by a debilitating chronic painful illness.
This is real life condition.
Thankfully this isn't me everyday, some days i manage to shower and come downstairs. I have started to use my mobility scooter again for small trips out the house. I have good and bad days.
All my love right now goes to my amazing friends who continue to text and visit and don't give up on me. My boyfriend who lies in bed with me and endures endless children's programmes. My family who never give up on me and support me everyday of my life. My poor parents who never imagined having their 24 year old at home needing everyday care.
Finally my beautiful baby Cockapoo who sits with me in bed and gives me constant unconditional love
It's very important to say this illness effects every person around you and I appreciate them all for sticking around.
Finally my beautiful baby Cockapoo who sits with me in bed and gives me constant unconditional love
Biggest shoutout to Peppa Pig, thanks for always being there with me in my TV screen so I never feel lonely.
Becks xoxo
