I've had M.E/CFS/Lyme for 9 years now and have struggled alot with the anger and frustration which comes hand in hand with this illness. My psychologist helped me to see things a bit clearer, and reading various self-help books taught me new ways to look at my pain but I still struggled a great deal.
However, it is not until I recently became a Christian and found a relationship with God that I finally found peace with this horrible illness.
If you'd have met me two years ago, I would of told you "It's all nonsense how can a man heal people and walk on water". Growing up my parents had a faith, and as a child I attended a faith school but once I hit 13 and was struck down by being ill, any kind of belief I had vanished. If there is a God why was he being nasty to me and bringing this illness upon me!?
March 2011 I didn't have a lot going on in my life, my friends were all having the time of their lives at uni, my boyfriend at the time had a great job in another country, I'd left my course at uni, yes obviously I was ill living at home with my parents and didn't have a clue where my life was heading. My parents decided to try out a new church in Leyland and I thought I'd go, I was interested on what the preacher had to say, I had nothing better to do. I went with an open mind. I then went the following week...
Slowly, things started to work within me, I had a lot of doubts still and questions to be answered but I started to read the bible and knew there was something in this. After a mission week at church I came to know Jesus Christ as my saviour and Lord.
I now look on my illness with a fresh pair of eyes. Some would argue God sends illness upon people because of their sin, but we all sin, everyday so why is everyone not ill?! No, there is illness and pain in this world because we live in an imperfect world. Bad things happen. But whatever happens good or bad I know it is Gods will and Gods plan for that to occur. I believe God has a plan for me in my life, he is a loving God he wants the best for all his people, and without having M.E/CFS/Lyme I wouldn't be at this stage of my life. Certain people wouldn't be in my life, I wouldn't of learnt half the lessons this illness has taught me. Hey I doubt I would even be a Christian!
Going to the service each week is a highlight for me, when I am well enough to go, I learn so much. Friends I have made in the church encourage and teach me more and more about the bible and being a Christian but also about life. God has put these people in my life for a reason, and I am a forever grateful.
The main thing I have learnt is perseverance! We shouldn't look back like I did daily, "Why me? Why has this happened to me?" We must look to the future and the good that can come out of suffering.
I think I appreciate things more than some do. Hey a trip to the supermarket is a great achievement for me! Most take it for granted driving their car, parking, walking in and round for their goods and paying with not a second thought. I am truly grateful and thank God when I am able to do a task, or make any kind of improvement in my condition. I lay my life in his hands and pray for the courage and wisdom to continue the daily struggle with this severe fatigue.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" James 1:2
I still get angry and down and frustrated like all of us do, but I really try to take those problems to God and pray he will help me continue on. You see I am not alone anymore, I have a friend in Jesus who is always there for me.
God sent his son Jesus and he suffered the utter sacrifice and pain and humiliation of being nailed to a cross to die for us. Lets just take a second to imagine that suffering.
Apart from anything else, being a follower of Jesus I can look forward to heaven where there is no pain, no illness, no suffering.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" Revelation 21:4
I ask at the end, after reading this you take some time to think through some things you have in your life, which may not be there if it wasn't for your illness or hard times? People. Lessons learnt. Opportunities.
Also have a think about what you believe, maybe look into Christianity a bit more and you never know what you might find.
Thank you for those who have helped in this post.
Hope everyone is having a good week
Bekz x
An update on my current condition with ME/CFS/Lyme coming soon...
However, it is not until I recently became a Christian and found a relationship with God that I finally found peace with this horrible illness.
If you'd have met me two years ago, I would of told you "It's all nonsense how can a man heal people and walk on water". Growing up my parents had a faith, and as a child I attended a faith school but once I hit 13 and was struck down by being ill, any kind of belief I had vanished. If there is a God why was he being nasty to me and bringing this illness upon me!?
March 2011 I didn't have a lot going on in my life, my friends were all having the time of their lives at uni, my boyfriend at the time had a great job in another country, I'd left my course at uni, yes obviously I was ill living at home with my parents and didn't have a clue where my life was heading. My parents decided to try out a new church in Leyland and I thought I'd go, I was interested on what the preacher had to say, I had nothing better to do. I went with an open mind. I then went the following week...
Slowly, things started to work within me, I had a lot of doubts still and questions to be answered but I started to read the bible and knew there was something in this. After a mission week at church I came to know Jesus Christ as my saviour and Lord.
I now look on my illness with a fresh pair of eyes. Some would argue God sends illness upon people because of their sin, but we all sin, everyday so why is everyone not ill?! No, there is illness and pain in this world because we live in an imperfect world. Bad things happen. But whatever happens good or bad I know it is Gods will and Gods plan for that to occur. I believe God has a plan for me in my life, he is a loving God he wants the best for all his people, and without having M.E/CFS/Lyme I wouldn't be at this stage of my life. Certain people wouldn't be in my life, I wouldn't of learnt half the lessons this illness has taught me. Hey I doubt I would even be a Christian!
Going to the service each week is a highlight for me, when I am well enough to go, I learn so much. Friends I have made in the church encourage and teach me more and more about the bible and being a Christian but also about life. God has put these people in my life for a reason, and I am a forever grateful.
The main thing I have learnt is perseverance! We shouldn't look back like I did daily, "Why me? Why has this happened to me?" We must look to the future and the good that can come out of suffering.
I think I appreciate things more than some do. Hey a trip to the supermarket is a great achievement for me! Most take it for granted driving their car, parking, walking in and round for their goods and paying with not a second thought. I am truly grateful and thank God when I am able to do a task, or make any kind of improvement in my condition. I lay my life in his hands and pray for the courage and wisdom to continue the daily struggle with this severe fatigue.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" James 1:2
I still get angry and down and frustrated like all of us do, but I really try to take those problems to God and pray he will help me continue on. You see I am not alone anymore, I have a friend in Jesus who is always there for me.
God sent his son Jesus and he suffered the utter sacrifice and pain and humiliation of being nailed to a cross to die for us. Lets just take a second to imagine that suffering.
Apart from anything else, being a follower of Jesus I can look forward to heaven where there is no pain, no illness, no suffering.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" Revelation 21:4
I ask at the end, after reading this you take some time to think through some things you have in your life, which may not be there if it wasn't for your illness or hard times? People. Lessons learnt. Opportunities.
Also have a think about what you believe, maybe look into Christianity a bit more and you never know what you might find.
Thank you for those who have helped in this post.
Hope everyone is having a good week
Bekz x
An update on my current condition with ME/CFS/Lyme coming soon...
Hello-my name is Amy Fitzpatrick and I know a relative of yours-Samuel Cotterall. In 1999 my husband and I were on a short term missions trip in Southport and we stayed with the Cotteralls for a week. Caroline tweeted a link to your blog tonight. I smiled when I read your post. I am so glad you have come to love Jesus. My husband and I will pray for you, and we are praising God for you as well!
ReplyDeleteI'd love to keep in touch! My email is amy.fitzpatrick@me.com
Much Love in Christ!
Amy
Asheville, North Carolina
USA
thank you for the encouraging words! lot's of love :)
ReplyDelete