Putting this down on paper was abit scary. How one illness can change a person so much.
I do often wonder who would I be, what would I be doing if I'd never become ill.
I got to a point last year where I was happy & comfortable enough to say,
"I'm glad I have CFS otherwise I wouldn't be the person I am today"
So today I thought I would look at "How has CFS changed me?"
Career
I started with career because I think thats what has changed the most drastically.
I used to dream of a job in fashion, basically like Rachel from Friends if I'm being honest. This high stress, glamorous, fast pasted life of travel and fighting to get to the top.
Needless to say that all changed, I slowly realised this wasn't going to be me. For a while I was in limbo like most 18 year olds without a plan. Until I started to look on my recovery from a nutrition point of view. I felt so much better eating wholesome fresh foods & avoiding all processed crap. I thought, there has to be something in this... *Light bulb moment* I want to be a Nutritional Therapist and specialise in patients with CFS! I researched it and I can work from home, open my own clinic and best of all I'd be helping people with the same condition as me! Afterall, who else is an expert in CFS if not me with 9 years first hand experience? I could totally be able to relate to these people and help them.
My physiotherapist Gail, is one of the driving forces behind this because aswell as being my physio she has had CFS and therefore, knows exactly how I feel each day and the circumstances surrounding my life. If I can help one person in the way she has helped me I will be very very happy.
So there we go, thats the plan. I am hopefully going to be studying again in January on my Nutrition course which I love. While I am learning I am also gaining tips to aid my recovery. Win Win.
Personality
As a person I feel CFS has made me stand out, I never feel like other 22 year olds. Sometimes I see a different side to the world, I don't spend my money on alcohol and going on mad nights out with friends. My money goes on organic food, bottled water and doctors bills. You end up with a different set of priorities to most people my age. Mainly because if I don't eat right and see these doctors I have nothing and what is life without health? Well without health, we don't have a life. Therefore, to me that always comes top of the list.
Having CFS at age 13 has forced me to grow up and mature quicker. I had to take control of the situation, my recovery and my life. I do feel I have missed out on my teenage years, those are the years to be carefree and have no worries.
I know people outside see me as 'odd'. Being a teen and still to this day enjoying fresh air, walks, holidays, good quality food, monkeys, Cockapoos, being quiet, reading, fashion, animals and learning is seen as abit weird. I do see how I am hard to relate to if you are a 'normal' 22 year old.
Do I miss being 'normal'?... Well yes, but then again what is 'normal' - this is me now, my normal.
Relationships
This is the slightly corny part. It's very obvious to say it's brought me closer to my family and friends but it's so true! Those few people are my main supporters and helpers in my life and I could not, hand on heart, function or do this without them.
CFS has helped me see the important people in my life, friends come and go and only one friend has been here the entire time since day one.
Keish, well Anissa to most people. She was there pushing me in my wheelchair at school and visiting me at home, and yes she's still here, now from 60 miles away building her own life but she always makes sure I'm OK and I know she will always be there for me, in the ups and the downs.
Keish & I on one of the few days I was in school Year 11 2006
Still here 2011
I cherish my friends/family who haven't been scared away by this illness, Rachael, Grace, Callum, Hannah-my sister and my Mum and Dad. I tend to surround myself with a small group of people, purely because these people get me. If you understand the illness you might understand my weird ways.
There is nothing more important to me than family, everything my family have done for me I can never repay, I am just eternally grateful.
My family 2010
My babies 2012
I won't lie this illness can make relationships rocky, I'm in a rocky part right now with a very important person to me. It's very very hard to know the illness you have inside you can bring so much pain to another person, and especially another person who cares about you. However, if you can get past the upset and hard parts this illness causes you and those around you, then you'll all have stronger relationships in the future.
I say "If you can get through this you can get through anything".
The Future
Has CFS changed my future? Well we don't know. I try not to dwell on that too much, I wish for the same thing everyone wishes for. A 'Happy Ever After' Wedding, 3 kids and a beautiful home. If my CFS is still a part of that, then I'll deal with it. I will always bat it back away.
